Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Waves of Errr Nausea, I think

I have been reading the tweets and status updates and blogs about Ombak Rindu, the film which has garnered about RM10 million at the box office.

In particular, this post which opened up a slew of unpleasant remarks to the writer, whose opinions voice the thoughts of many of the audience members I presume - the main one being a niggling little thought about the premise of the movie : that being that the "heroine" was in love with the man to whom she was prostituted, the man who raped, and then ultimately bought her like a commodity to take home. 

The box office takings serve as a signifier that this unpleasant basis for the couple's relationship is not one that has had much effect on the audience's enjoyment of the movie.

I must say here that, I have not seen the movie nor read the book. I am sure that huge differences between the book and movie may exist, in part because I doubt the director read the book first and loved it enough to make a movie of it. I am sure all urges to make the movie were derived from a deisre to profit.

I am very interested, though, in why this movie has struck a chord with malaysian (and i think in this case, vastly malay) audiences. Though I cannot speak on the treatment of the story, the tone of it, or the specifics of it, I can certainly comment, I feel, on the reaction of audiences to it, no?

I looooove romance novels. Looove Mills and Boons fiction. Love it. In every one of these stories, the woman - usually gorgeous, sometimes Ugly Betty verging on Gorgeous, sometimes, nerdy, sometimes an outcast - gets the guy, who is usually gorgeous, but often rough, or distant, or cold, or even bad, but who usually ends up lusting for and then loving, the woman. Often, the relationship between the two can be fraught with awkward moments, nervous faux pas, intense sexual tension, even physical, sexual or verbal violence. If the man hurts her in any way, he realises his terrible ways and seeks forgiveness, after which he is usually rewarded with animal sex. I mean, LURVE. 

Now, in REAL life, I don't think I could even look someone in the eye who had any bad intention towards me, let alone one with premeditated, intended acts of violence, physical, sexual or verbal. Honestly, take a moment to think of yourself in that position. Imagine yourself sold by your own family, taken to a dingy back room to be traded like cattle, and in your fear and vulnerability, hurt and abused abysmally. It wouldn't matter if the guy was gorgeous or hideous, would it? You wouldn't stick around to find out if you guys could hit it off after, would you? That is how I think any woman who has placed any value on herself other than what she thinks others value her for, would think or feel.

ANd I have no doubt that most of the women who watched the movie, would not consider it a happy event, to be raped. They would definitely not think of themselves in terms of deserving it, or desiring the abuse.

And yet, it did so well. Why?

Well, I think for the same reason as I love romance novels, the audience loves this story.

I think the malay movie audience psyche is totally into the idea that a woman, just by virtue of being herself, or "baik", has the power to captivate, enchant, and turn even the most villainous of men into faithful lovers. 

It's the same audience that loves Twilight. I went to watch the first Twilight with Hubby Boo, and he was astonished that the cinema was full. We were also surprised at how many of the audience were be-scarved couples. It felt like we were about to watch an epic, like LOTR or something. Instead, we watched a whole lot of cinema time spent on longing gazes, intense sexual restraint, creepy voyeurism and a malingering sense of wrong that felt so right. I LOVED IT.

As a writer, I know that the film is about a whole lotta nothing happening except burgeoning sexual tension whipped into a frenzy with urgent, blue-balling stolen kisses and knowledge of imminent death. It's all foreplay of the imagination. It enjoys the idea that love transcends the dirty act of sex. That you can lust after and love someone, all in your mind, if you have superhuman self-restraint - oh, wait, he does! What a hero! 

But if you take a moment and look at the author's upbringing (if I am not mistaken, mormon), you'll see that all this takes on a tinge of the religious cadre. That age-old control of women and their bodies, cleverly disguised with independence-chic and liberation rhetoric. Bella is "free" to be whatever she wants. Well, she chooses not to have boyfriends or be particularly interested in boys, even though so many are interested in her and she is obviously hot. BUt no, she is pure, virginal. 

Of course, the one she falls for is the one she can't fathom, who seems almost to be hurt by his infatuation (or is it love?) with her. He can't help himself. He must have her. But he can't reveal what a monster he is to her. So he creeps into her bedroom at night to watch her sleep, leaving the instant she wakes, unseen. That is so sick. 

Just think of some guy creeping into your room to watch you sleep. If I didn't die of fright first to find someone watching me like that, I would feel the subjectification of "the gaze" down to my deepest core. You know what that is, every one of you, it's when someone looks at you and they strip you of your power because there is nothing you can do to stop that look, no matter how vile that look is. Their intent is to make you feel small, or feel like all you are is a piece of meat that they are about to carve up without any thought or conscience. It can be sexual or about power, and putting you in your place. I would say girls feel it more than boys, but that it isn't a feeling exclusive to girls. Sometimes, you cannot even articulate what it is. But it is all about feeling powerless, or being made to feel powerless. You ever been the centre of unwanted attention? If you don't turn and run, you have to take it. Either way, you have been robbed of some choice. It's like a person taking your picture without your permission, or continuing to take it even if you ask them to stop. Effectively, they are robbing you of your choice.

BUT ON THE FLIP SIDE... you ARE the object of that attention, unwanted or not. Now, the scariest thing in the world, is when you somehow find it in your self to be alright with that, or even, to be FLATTERED by it. And I kinda feel that this is what is happening, not only here in the malaysian cinema audience, but all over the world. 

There used to be a time when people would be a little embarrassed to pose, or be seen as "posing" for a camera. Now, it's de rigeur! Camwhoring? FUN! Looking like a cheap slut? Wana see MY duckface? And I am rather worried that people can't tell when it is tongue-in-cheek, spoofing of others who do it, or when it is utterly sincere. There are people out there who genuinely think nothing of their POSING.

I also reckon, Malaysians or Asians, don't really even have any thoughts about this at all, so why would it be a point of analysis? I mean, store attendants prune their eyebrows right there at the counter, with all the products! That, to me, is horrific, because it just says vanity, vanity, vanity, and a splash of unprofessionalism. People take pictures of themselves, when they are alone, in public. I would be highly self-conscious if I tried to do that, so I would make a joke of it, to make it obvious that I am making fun of it. But those other people... they're not joking!

SO what I am saying is, it seems that being "subject" to another's gaze - well, that concept probably carries no emotional weight for many at all, here. So it is no surprise to me then, that the idea of BElla being watched without her knowledge or consent, wouldn't ruffle any feathers.

If we were to apply this to Ombak Rindu - well, it stands to reason that many audience members might think, the heroine should be FLATTERED that she is being given such full-on, loyal attention as her rapist is giving to her. After all, she is a good woman. She has risen above the distasteful events of being sold off, raped and then bought. Why, she has even begged her abuser for marriage in order to secure herself the sanctimony of wedlock. At least now she can allow herself to be raped, with her conscience clear! What a good woman she is! 

It kind of seems like a story about how being virtuous is contagious (after all,her abuser eventually begins to fight for her, no? like a prize) - but it really is about identifying one's sex as one's only source of power. So, never mind that Izzah is a victim of rape and abuse, she's one of those few who has risen above her abuse, has no need for justice, or even to acknowledge her rights to humane treatment or simply rights to safety. Instead, think of how she has managed to turn her abuser's scornful, evil intentions into caring and loyalty. 

Hey! We should save the state some money by taking all the rapists out of jail, and marrying them off to their sisters, daughters and friends that they raped, because as women, those girls have a duty to their religion and society, to overcome their distaste (damage? wounds?) for the evil that was done to them and do themselves a favour by winning moral points by becoming useless martyrs that stink of defilement, not because they were abused, but because the concept of "being religiously good" has been so warped by their peers and society.

Ignoring the original evil in order to bask in the glory of their lust-turned-love, is taking it a step too far. Defending it is morally reprehensible. I would agree with a viewer's right to enjoy the movie DESPITE the unpleasant premise, but not BECAUSE of it, and that distinction is very hard to make, when most people seem to think there is none.

So, while I do enjoy me a good romance novel, and I love to ride the waves of passion and love they ellicit, I do have enough of a brain to know that they are nonsensical, and usually undesirable in real life. I would like to think that local audiences simply wanted to enjoy those feelings romance novels create, and not really have to think about the reality, which is that they probably already know someone who has suffered some form of sexual abuse.

The reality of rape is that, it is a horrendously violent act, an act of intent to strip the victim of power, dignity and choice. MOre often than not, physical violence with intent to hurt or kill, accompanies it. Or the threat of physical violence in the form of a weapon, or verbal threat, which is a terrifying ordeal to be put through. If you have even a modicum of imagination, if you have ever been looked at, jeered at, felt up or touched inappropriately, simply because you are a woman, you will understand what that fear is.

Make no mistake, rape has less to do with sex and more to do with breaking someone's spirit, and imposing one's will over someone else.

After all, if a guy simply wanted to take care of his sexual needs, there are girls out there who would willingly be of service, free or for a charge.

Yes, the movie is just a movie. Yes, most of us understand it as such and know the difference between fact and fiction. The problem for me lies in this: that certain, very heavy issues, are being glamourised, heightened and even considered cool or (haha) nice. The girl who stands up for herself is portrayed negatively, like a shrew who overthinks things and places way too much value on her selfish pride. And yet, our heroine, who has had her pride stripped from her, is portrayed as the ideal woman, who ends up being so sublimely in love she might as well die and go straight to heaven.

THis is what scares me, the idea that, hey, it might actually be easy to get over being raped. Just think of yourself as 1) so desirable he couldn't help himself 2) so spiritually strong that you can get over the abuse of your body and rise above it  but in reality, thinking or doing any of these things ignores the real event of a gross misdeed by one of god's creatures against another. Praising Izzah for her religious and moral superiority in this context is ridiculous because at the very same time, you (and she) would be condoning Haris' horrendous ungodly act. What hypocrisy!

But, tell yourself, it's just a movie. That it simply has no power at all over our collective consciousness. That you do not have any emotional investment in it at all, even if you cry at some scenes, or hate certain characters. Tell yourself that movies are fiction, that all cinema has no relation at all to our society or to our culture... it is this very notion that keeps our film industry purely an entertainment business in the eyes of the masses, rather than a cultural phenomenon. When we tell stories, any story, even the silliest story, we express ourselves, reflect ourselves and create ourselves. If you don't get that, you really probably never will. Which is fine and is not an indication of my character at all haha!
  
As a footnote, I observed earlier that most of the cinema was filled with girls in headscarves with their dates/partners. I reckon the greatest appeal about Twilight, and probably about Ombak Rindu, was the unbearable sexual tension. The unrequited, unfulfilled, forever foreplaying sex/love/nosex dilemma that makes these books so appealing. It really says something about the malay psyche, don't you think? Part of the charm of holding off from physical relationships is that tension - and I must say, it seems a lot more appealing than the utter drudgery of endless one-night stands that those Westerners have to endure.


Nanaite!


C


Thursday, March 1, 2012

Hear Me in Seefood

I do a little voice over work in my spare time. I have been both blessed and cursed with a deepish voice. The number of times I have been either complimented or insulted for having a deep voice served to give me a little hint: people notice it. Having dabbled in some acting, I find I love the moments of being on stage, but definitely cannot abide by the amount of time rehearsing takes away from kiddie routines.

I love that acting is seen as both something sort of noble, and also something sort of whoreish - and I totally get both! As an actor, you have to be able to be vulnerable, to let honesty bubble to the surface, to let your ego aside, in order to serve the function of acting on stage. And yet, you feed your ego simply by being on stage, you are effectively lying whilst striving for honesty, because it is in practical terms, a pretense after all.

I have been lucky that I have been able to do voice over work, which requires a different kind of acting that, physically, relies solely on the control of your voice and breath. You don't have to look good, you don't have to smell good, and you don't have to put in hours of rehearsal. I have done commercials and more recently, in the past three or four years, done dubbing and voice over work for dramatic programmes, as well as computer games and so on.

I got a small part as the turtle in the upcoming movie Seefood, which is opening in local cinemas next week. I am very grateful to have gotten that opportunity. The film has already won awards overseas, and is a joint effort between local and international companies - you can find out more about it here, which is the blog maintained by the audio recording company which cast me (and regularly, happily, employs me).

So the theme for the premier, which is tonight, is blue and white, and since I don't have either of those colours in my wardrobe, I am going to make an outfit this morning, which will be a long blue skirt with a white and multi-coloured print, which I shall attempt to make like the following picture, except with sleeves:
this pic is taken from here but i found it on pinterest.com.

And I will be making both pieces out of the following textiles - one is a slinky knit in aqua blue and the other is a rayony, polyestery, silky mix print. Both ae from NAgoya and cost less than RM15 per metre.


If I have time to, I will post a picture of the finished product before my night out. Wish me luck!

Lovey, C


Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Been Up To Good.


Hope everyone has ahad a lovely new year and all other holidays from last year's raya till this year's chinese new year!

Been a while since i have posted, but it wasn't from a lack of news or opinions! So many awful things have happened in the news both local and international - and i have often felt the urge to have my say here on my blog.

However, a big lesson came to me sometime during the last few months - and that is that no matter what i have to say, my blog can only be one-sided, and people who wish to enter into discussions with me here (polite or otherwise), will also, by the very state of such things, have their own one-sided opinions.

I can vent all i want, but i won't sway anyone here who has no wish to be swayed. So i decided to keep most of my opinions to myself, and to refrain from commenting willy-nilly on my social media platforms. 

It is kind of liberating, actually. I simply take a moment begore i press submit or enter, and ask myself if i have been kind and helpful, or have my words simply been more negativity to spew into the world?

I have usually deleted my words before sending them into the netosphere. Either you become a troll or you provide fodder for trolls. So, even though i have stood on my own soapbox now and then, i think i rather enjoy the notion that this platform is for me to put my news out there to any who might be interested. If they aren't, i assume they would simply move on to something more interesting to them.

So, what have i been up to, then? Lots of toddler- caring, sewing, moving, school routine bladibla. I have really enjoyed being a stay at home mum this time around, but as o near the two-year mark, i do rather wish for me time more and more.

I am a cranky sort of mum when i feel overly-stimulated - and with two tweens chatting, asking and performing at me whilst i care for an increasingly independent toddler, i feel thy most of the time! I get loud and strict and snarky. It's not nice and i don't like that about myself. However i won't abide by bad behaviour and i do expect my eldests to attempt maturity at the very least!

Anyway, i have been sewing up a storm. Especially flowy maxi skirts which are stupendously easy! Today i also whipped up a wrap circle skirt for Panini:

And last week a slinky kniw gathered skirt, here modeled by Baby One - who is now so big she is accepting handmedowns from aunty Panini:
And then last year for their cultural week at school i made a greek roumeli-style outfit for Baby Two, who so loved it! Baby One is in lotud dress, from Sabah. They both wanted to celebrate their differences so I had to make something because we only have Malay baju. Baby One's is my own outfit from when I was about 15!
I also made about 30 reversible tote and sling bags. It started as an emergency gift for a birthday present I had forgotten to buy, and turned into a fantastic creative excursion for me. I made a whole bunch for our staff, who despite various setbacks in our plans last year, worked hard and stayed with us through our journey:

If you want to see more of those bags, go here .

I also made some costumes for Hubby Boo that he and his partner needed whilst they were in a major telly comedy competition last year. That was fun because I only ever had a day or two to create them in.

The beginnings of a muscle suit:

And Hubby wanted ass enhancement:
Might I say that the padding failed because it was not properly worn!

I made these delicious cookies for Baby Two's valentine's day gift for her classmates. As delicious as they look:


I made myself a maxi skirt out of this wonderful cloth i got from Kamdar and tested out the lovely turquoises i have seen adorning nails here and there.                  
      


I also love the trend in zip-top and foldover clutches in colourblocked patterns. So I made myself one in faux leather left over from one of the Hubby costumes I made. I lined it with a spotty print from Nagoya:

 


BE nice, smell nice :)


Lovey, C     


Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Illy bean's beanie

I have been knitting:





She likes to take it off quickly so my photos aren't that great.






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Saturday, July 30, 2011

Illy agrees with Vegemite








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Cooking Monster

Old capsicum and chillies? Make a salsa!







I took out the membranes and seeds because deep down i harbour hopes my daughters will look on my food and want to try some. It won't happen again if it burns the top of their mouths off. So i like to keep the results as open as possible!



Tiny shallots in a pan with salt pepper tumeric and paprika. I had no garlic and usually load the dish up with it. Wouldn't normally use tumeric but today i wantrd that dry yellow warm vibe that i get from it. Sweat'em down.






Chop or slice your veg. I usually have long thin slices but today i thought i would live a little and dice. Add to the pan. Season again.



I always adda chopped tomato seeds and all, and squish it into the pan to get that mushy consistency i so love:)
Cook down with a little liquid. I used soy sauce and have used dashi before. If u think the tomato might be too acidic add a touch of sugar.
Serve thusly:



Or put it in the fridge and keep for a little side on any future dishes.
I love dill and in this combination takes the bite off any residual chilli heat nicely.

Brunchtime!
C
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Friday, July 29, 2011

Success!

My fourth attempt at macarons and decided to repeat my paprika macs which were the only successful batch. This time around, it was on purpose:)



I took my SIL to the Bagus bakery solution store and dropped her off while i circled the block. 40mins later and slightly flushed, she emerged triumphant and happy:)

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Monday, July 25, 2011

Ok i know it's overkill but it's chocolate!

Third time and not quite right. It was a little thick, much like the green tea ones - and i think because our largest eggs sorta count as mediums elsewhere. I could have used an extra yolk.






They looked a little granuley waiting to go in the oven - and might i say turdy - but they developed a skin quickly and i put them in after only ten mins standing. They puffed up nicely but certainly lack that gorgeous smooth eggshell top that is so desired in a macaron.

However i often love the idea of still enjoying a homemade delectable despite it not being up to par - my own little rebellion in the kitchen.

It all looks the same if you chew it a couple of times!

I added dark choc to my endless white choc ganache supply, and purposely salted it a little extra to get those tastebuds going.





Wish you could taste them. But then again - NOT!!




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Sunday, July 24, 2011

Second attempt

These turned out super runny in the piping bag and ended up spreading like raw pancakes over the baking sheet.

I realised only after baking that i had put in two extra eggs and ha mentally reminded myself to add a third extra of the dry ingredients - which of course i only remembered to do when they came out of the oven.



First batch: lemon. Delicious. Flat. Lemons in all senses of the word. Might serve them as an eton mess with my leftover white choc ganache.

Second batch: yam. Slightly thicker cos i didnt loosen it with juice like i did the lemon.



The yam ones are baking and puffing up quite a lot, so perhaps if i had left the lemons in longer? They are huge, like small saucers. For those i am mixing a little ginger powder into the ganache.

The whole batch is for CosmicGal, cos i never even saved her a bit first time round heeeee.


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Saturday, July 23, 2011

Yep. I did it. I made Macaroons. Macarons. Pantalons. Bloody Good Biscuits.

I have been watching Season 2 of Aussie Masterchef and was really inspired by Callum's gorgeous bright purple macaron royal crown-inspired dessert which he made for the London challenge.

My sister in law CosmicGal mentioned she would love to try her hand at making them, especially after trying the delicious ones from BabycakeShoppe (located under the stairs to the right of the lobby as you enter the GTower hotel on Jalan Tun Razak, right next to Dayabumi). They are delicious and quite cheap, as they come.

Prior to that I had already tasted the sublime macarons from Nathalie's Gourmet Studio , which I must say are truly divine. Especially the Salted Caramel ones. They are almost double the price of the others, but are also almost double the size.

In general, they are expensive, yes. It's a delicate art or craft. Try whipping stiff peaks into your egg whites in this humidity.

But with all the macarons in my life, I decided perhaps I should try making them too. I went to my local complete baking goods store which I love just browsing (heck, who needs to shop with all that eye candy?) in Jalan Negara, Taman Melawati. Got me some ground almonds and a variety of food colour pastes, chocolates and sugar sprinkles and flavours.

Tonight after the baby had slept, I got to mixing a double batch of all the recipe I decided to use, which I found in two sources, here and here. The former seems to originate from MArtha Stewart's site, and while I followed the ingredients measurements from that one (much prefer cups and spoons to measuring by weight!), I found the instructions to the latter recipe much simpler.

I still had to read and re-read the recipe to understand it. I knew that my performance with the egg whites could be the deal-breaker, and I wanted to fully understand what I was getting myself into.

I had to read up on what aged egg-whites were (whites separated from yolks out of the fridge but allowed to stand, covered in cling film, for at least a day at room temperature. They lose moisture and therefore whisk better).

I was also concocting all sorts of flavours for both the macarons outers and the fillings. At the very last moment I decided on green tea macarons with a white chocolate ganache filling (am toying with making half of them with ginger added to the white chocolate).






I also did paprika macarons, which were surprisingly delicious.






These I will fill with the white chocolate but if I were more inventive, I would go with something less garishly sweet and more mellow. Perhaps a sort of cottage cheese flavoured filling? Something to complement the bite of the paprika.

As I was mixing up the batches, I ended up having too little egg white for the green tea dry mix and they ended up being very dry and heavy in the piping bag, and wouldn't form a skin when resting. Still, I went ahead and baked them because it was my first try and I think I would have been prepared to eat them all raw, it looked so good. They formed "feet" (the little bubbly underlayer you see on all well-made macs) very quickly, and then kind of slid off themselves sideways. They were too heavy and didn't cook in the middle. I kept them in as long as possible but they were starting to turn brown, which is a no-no apparently.






The paprika ones piped beautifully, formed a skin beautifully, and baked beautifully. You could almost see the feet form in a span of 5 seconds.












Both batches have that nutty, herby, almost bittery malty taste, except the green tea is dry on the tongue and the paprika is perky in the throat - ALL GOOD.

Waiting for them to cool and for the chocolate to thicken up. Will post more pics when the product is finished!

Hmmm. Is this something I should ask my peeps to taste-test? Or something I can do on my own?

*munchesthoughtfully*

Lovey,
C


PS Macarons VS Macaroons? I always thought Macaroons are coconut chewy biscuits - and I was right! However I am not sure if the two names are interchangeable for the egg-shell biscuits I refer to here. If you're shy about frenchifying your words, then fine. I know what you mean!


PPS i awoke to a set white choc filling but i reckon had too little choc in it cos it is too runny. Once i sandwiched the macarons together with the filling, surprisingly, the paprika macs worked out better than the green tea ones, which seem overly sweet despite the matte green tea taste. Must say the paprika are quite good. When you take the first bite, the aroma in my mouth reminds me of barbeque twisties, but then when i continue chewing it becomes this mellow smokey sweet with a kick of heat at the end.
The promised pics:












Despite the drippy choc, Baby Two in typical fashion let it drip all over her hands do she could spend that extra moment savouring it. The mac lasted about 5mins, she took that long to eat it.

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